I believe the most important characteristics of a good relationship often go unnoticed when a person feels an intense chemistry with someone. I find these factors to be the foundation of a good relationship that lasts.
Spontaneous Chemistry Is Dangerous
Chemistry is an unconscious attraction we feel toward people, events, behaviors, or things. It’s very complex. I see it as a belief. It is created from our past experiences and the environment that we grew up in. Most people reject or seek a partner based on their hidden beliefs about relationships and people.
Chemistry is created either spontaneously or builds up over time. When the chemistry is spontaneous, it can be dangerous. It can get us into a lot of trouble. We may make irresponsible decisions when it comes to romance and relationships.
We need to become conscious of the feelings that are behind some of our attractions. We can then open our minds and see things the way they are instead of seeing them through the lens of our memories.
Choosing Wisely in a Relationship
People who have not been crushed in negative relationships choose to have healthier connections. They are more present and choose according to reality and their wisdom. They are not stuck in the bad outcomes of their past relationships.
If you make a conscious effort to find the reasons behind your attractions, you may free yourself from the trap and make wiser decisions.
For example, many women who, during their youth, found themselves attracted to players due to some experiences from their pasts later became more aware of what is important to them. They opened their minds to reality instead of choosing according to their past memories.
Opening their minds helped them have more choices and healthier relationships. They became free of the nagging thoughts that kept directing them toward one type of man only—the player.
Once they became aware of where their need to be with a player came from, the desire went away. As a result, their wisdom took charge and guided them to choose their partners more reasonably.
Don’t Allow Your Beliefs to Drive You to Choose
Whatever factor you base your choices on—whether it’s chemistry, common interests, education, or money—as long as it’s belief that drives you to choose, the relationship will not work.
When you pick your partner based on your beliefs, you are choosing him based on your past experiences, not based on who he is and reality. “We have a strong chemistry.” “We have the same interests.” “Our viewpoints are the same.” “We believe in the same things.” “We laugh at the same things.” These things make you think you have found your soul mate.
Although on the surface these are all great reasons for dating someone, these common interests, viewpoints, chemistry, and beliefs don’t represent people’s souls.
How Does Time Play a Role in Relationships
One thing we forget about here is time. At the beginning of our lives, we didn’t have any beliefs. We only had our souls, which were pure and without judgments.
With time our souls were buried under our experiences and replaced with our beliefs. We then built our lives according to our beliefs.
We don’t really know who we or others are until we first remove those beliefs—until we separate ourselves from our accomplishments, failures, desires, and beliefs.
As time goes by, people may or may not continue to change; our perspectives may change or may stay the same. These changes can affect many things, such as the way we communicate with each other and the way we show our love to our partners. These changes can also affect our commitment to a relationship.
Are You Open to Change
We often forget to consider our willingness AND openness to change as the most important characteristics of a good relationship. A man may decide to quit his job, sell his house, and live on a boat for the rest of his life. A woman may choose to be an actress instead of an engineer or vice versa.
Change is inevitable when a person transforms. If one person in a relationship grows closer to his or her higher self or soul and the other stays attached to his or her beliefs, then the person who is growing may be forced to choose between personal development and the relationship.
In this case, if the person picks the relationship over personal growth, then he or she may be committed to staying with the other person, but this choice will cause him or her to suffer. So ultimately the relationship will suffer as well.
Are you open to your partner’s transformation? Are you open to change? If not, then you may get into controlling and manipulating him, which will hold him back and hurt the relationship.
Commitment alone is not the solution many believe it is. No relationship is easy to maintain unless each partner is willing to grow independent of the other and both partners allow space in the relationship.
It is imperative that each individual has an open mind in the relationship and interacts with the other without any preset ideas or judgments.
If your mind is free during your interactions with your partner, you hear and see him according to where he is at any given time. You won’t fantasize about the relationship, and you won’t judge him based on your mental chatter. You are aware of what is happening to him, and you can observe your own feelings.
Choosing wisely in relationships means you choose your partner according to your and his truth and how flexible you both are to change. No amount of commitment in a relationship can make two people fulfilled and happy unless they recognize the importance of personal growth for both partners.
If you would like to share anything, I’d love to hear your thoughts below.