Every time I hear about a woman getting herself involved with a married or unavailable man, I wonder whether it’s due to her naïveté, ignorance, or lack of confidence.
Whatever the case, I sympathize with this woman because being involved with an unavailable man is not a comfortable place to be. It means she is not in touch with herself or reality. There are so many things you can consider before getting involved with a man who is already in a relationship or emotionally unavailable.
First, you can ask yourself, “Is this the man I want to be with? What is so great about this man who cheats on his partner?”
Second, if you think that eventually he will leave his partner and be with you, consider that you might just be a stepping-stone for him to get out of his current problematic relationship. In this case, most likely, he will leave you as soon as he gets over his previous relationship and the romance wears off between the two of you.
Almost always men cheat because their current relationships aren’t working and they don’t know how to deal with the problems. It’s not because they see a better woman than they already have. In rare circumstances, variety or excitement is the reason for cheating. If this is true in your case, then that is your answer. Chances are you’re just a temporary excitement for him.
Third, you don’t want to be his second choice. You’re not living with dignity or peace if you choose to stoop to that level. You deserve better than being someone’s mistress. Chances are you will remain a mistress at the most. He most likely won’t leave his marriage or current relationship for you. If he does, then you might be dealing with a confused, immature person who will eventually sabotage the relationship and cheat on you as well.
You deserve to be in a healthy relationship where you and your partner are emotionally connected. It’s best to choose a man who is already at a healthy place in his life and not dealing with a bad relationship.
Healthy people make healthy relationships, and this is why it is imperative that you do your work before looking for a partner.
My Suggestions on What to Do
- Think of a man who is willing to cheat on his partner as someone who is drowning in the ocean and looking for anything to save him. If you involve yourself in this situation, he will pull you down with him if you’re not a good swimmer. A man who cheats carries feelings of guilt, fear, and confusion. Being with this man drains your energy, which you could spend in building a loving relationship with someone who is emotionally ready and available.
- Instead of getting yourself involved, you can help a man who cheats solve his issues by referring him to a therapist.
- Take some time away from the relationship and journal about it. Now, I know having space from the man you love and focusing on clearing your thoughts is not easy, especially in this kind of relationship. This is because your mind is cluttered with all sorts of confusing thoughts and anxieties. But it is necessary to take time away for you to understand where you are in your life without judging or criticizing yourself.
- Just think of yourself as having lost your path, and now you want to find it again. When you journal on this situation, ask yourself whether this relationship gets you closer to or further away from loving yourself and living a peaceful life.
- Think about all the people you might be hurting by being with this man, starting with yourself and your loved ones and then him and his family.
If you’d like to share anything, I would love to hear your thoughts below.