One of the reasons we sabotage our relationships is because we are too worried and allow our anxiety-provoking thoughts to take over our love lives.
If you find yourself obsessing over worrisome feelings, you need to find efficient ways of dealing with them. Otherwise, you can ruin your relationships with others and miss the best moments of your life.
When We Deny Reality, We Live with Doubt and Anxiety
When we are attached to getting a particular result, we are afraid of trying anything that is unknown to us. We’re afraid of losing what is important to us, so we’re not open to taking risks. When we don’t take risks and explore, we don’t learn, because our mind is not open to different possibilities. Most of all, we suffer.
For instance, if we are afraid of being attacked by a lion all the time, it’s because we want to be safe all the time. But unconsciously we know that, in reality, being safe all the time is not possible. This knowledge creates anxiety in us.
Another example is when we are afraid of losing a loved one. Thinking about a loved one’s death is painful, so we avoid those feelings and deny the truth that he or she will die one day, which could be today or years from now.
However, at times our wisdom, which is deep within us, will push itself up to the surface of our mind and makes us aware of a truth we are avoiding, telling us, “This thing will occur regardless of what you want to see happen.” We want to deny the reality, but the evidence is there for us to see. This situation creates anxiety for us because we feel helpless not knowing how to deal with the reality when we’re not ready.
Understand Your Fear
The first step to accepting the truth is to understand your fear. When you empathize with your “porcupine“, you acknowledge the pain it is feeling. You thank it for wanting to protect you against feeling the painful truth. This compassion gives your porcupine an understanding that you’re strong enough to deal with the reality.
This way you will be on your way to see the truth at your own pace rather than having to face it unprepared. The sooner you face your fear, the sooner you face the reality and free yourself of that fear.
You’ve heard of the saying “The truth hurts.” The truth may hurt, but it also frees you of doubt, anxiety, and insecurity. And once you face the truth, you defeat your fear. Then the truth doesn’t hurt as much. It actually gives you peace.
With fear, you hope for something other than what is. But when you finally face the reality, that hope is gone. You accept or come to terms with whatever is there. When you encounter the painful truth, you gain knowledge. Gaining this knowledge frees you.
Lack of knowledge causes us to be afraid of leaving our comfort zone. The fear itself is actually more painful to live with than having to face the truth.
When you are fearful, you think something terrible is going to happen, but you don’t know how to face it. You just live with it, therefore allowing it to become stronger. You doubt your strength and ability to overcome it. You allow your fear to grow bigger than you, bigger than your capabilities.
Let’s say you need to identify a dead body to see whether it’s someone you know. Of course, it’s painful having to face that situation. You become anxious and weak, and all sorts of negative thoughts cross your mind. In the worst-case scenario, however, once you know, you can deal with the pain and move on; you won’t continue living with fear and anxiety.
As children, we are helpless and don’t know how to deal with pain, so unconsciously, we bury it and live with fear and anxiety instead.
I believe, we need to free ourselves of destructive thoughts or beliefs, which usually derive from our past undesirable experiences. Sometimes memories of these experiences inevitably come to the surface of our minds, and since we have no way of stopping them from showing up or quieting them down, we feel anxious.
Face Your Fear
The best way for me to overcome my anxiety is to relax and use my nagging thoughts or porcupine to lead me to the underlying source of the issue. Of course, this process by itself creates anxiety, especially as I get close to facing the reason. However, anxiety is an expected and necessary part of cleaning the mess and removing the problem. I see it as getting a surgery that may temporarily cause some discomfort but will heal me for good.
However, I believe enduring the anxiety and actually healing my problem is certainly better than feeling bits and pieces of pain all the time.
Be in touch with your inner peace by meditating and writing about your thoughts regularly. These practices can help you stay present and aware. When you are aware, you are more in touch with reality; therefore, you are less anxious.
It is unhealthy to live with fearful thoughts and anxiety. The more you think about something, whether it’s good or bad, the bigger and more important it becomes. Thus, when you don’t deal with your fearful thoughts and anxiety the right way, they can become bigger than they actually are. You should pay attention to what your thoughts are saying and deal with them.
If you have anything to share, I’d love to hear your comments below.
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