What Is the Real Definition of Love? What Type of Love Do You Give to Others

When we are at peace with ourselves, it is easy to love, give and forgive. However, when we are under stress, we somehow become greedy and don’t give our love freely to others. When we are mindful and at a meditative state, we are not listening to any mental chatter. We are present, peaceful and powerful. What we are experiencing there is one of our greatest qualities, love.

So what is the real definition of love?

Love is the divine being within each and every one of us. It is our path to peace and happiness. However, we are often not present due to our hectic lifestyle and lose contact with this real love.


What Type of Love Do You Give to Your Significant Others, Friends and Families?

There are different types of love:

Emotional Love

This by itself is divided into two categories: Selfish love and Make-them-feel-good love.

Selfish love

In my book,  Cherish Your Inner Porcupine, I have mentioned that a lot of times the love we give to others is selfish.

In this case, we offer what we would like to receive from others. Then we get upset when people don’t appreciate or reciprocate our kindness. With this kind of compassion, we are empathizing with ourselves.

It makes us feel good when we give this love because we are the one needing it.

Make-them-feel-good love

This is when you ask your partner, friends, or relatives what they want from you and what makes them happy. You then try to make them happy by giving them what they ask from you.

Tough Love

Then there’s real love, which comes from your inner peace. Real love is for the other person’s own good and is independent of how it makes the other person feel or think of you.

This is usually the kind of love you give to your child when you realize that he or she is regressing. It is what is known as tough love.

This is the kind of love that may make your loved one not appreciate you initially, because this real love makes them uncomfortable, but ultimately, they will understand it. With tough love, your intention is to teach valuable lessons. However, it should never be abusive.


How Does Unconditional Love Relate to Tough Love

Usually tough love is given by a person who is capable of loving unconditionally because in unconditional love, we don’t have any need or desire for someone to approve or reciprocate our efforts.

Unconditional love is easier to give when we are present and peaceful.

What we experience during meditations is pure and peaceful.

What we experience when we are not present is mind chatter. Our mind wants to protect us due to bad experiences. When we are not present, we listen too much to this internal dialogue. We close our heart and find it difficult to give our love freely. We only give our love under the right conditions and hope that others will reciprocate our kindness.


Is It Necessary to Sacrifice Part of Ourselves When We Love Unconditionally?

Although boundless love is a great and necessary quality to have because it derives from the heart without hoping for something in return, it is never about sacrificing our own happiness to make someone else happy.

Sometimes the need for our partners to love us becomes so strong that we are willing to sacrifice our own well being to make them happy. This desire to be together and in love with our partner is an emptiness created during infancy.

With unconditional love, at the same time that we are giving our affection freely, we are independent of being loved by others. The demand to be loved by others means that we have a need for someone to give us what is missing in us.

We must know the difference between unconditional love and sacrificing part of ourselves in our relationships.

In loving unconditionally, there is no need to sacrifice. Otherwise we would be hurting a valuable part of us and become dependent on the outside world to give us back what we have lost which becomes a clingy love. Thus, we can also, give tough love to others because we deeply care and are completely independent of how they take it if it’s meant to help them grow.

In summary,  we become a real asset to others when we give them tough love, because it helps them discover the truth about themselves.

If you have anything to share, I’d love to hear your comments below.


Don’t forget to check out Cherish Your Inner Porcupine

To find more reflections, please read my other blogs and to receive my future posts, please Like My Page




  1. Amazing! You do not know how badly I needed to come across and read this info, especially today! It’s truly a blessing that I have read this particuliar post. I truly needed it. And I will be bookmarking your site for future reference.
    Your site is very informative and just what I need!!

  2. Tough love needs to have an equal measure of unconditional / forgiving / accepting love. There needs to be a happy medium between each or else that type of love can not be helpful . I can see how people like grandparents can be unconditional lovers while parents are more in the medium range; they need to assert some boundaries to make sure their children don’t end up harmed, or making wrong choices later, sometimes tough love is beneficiary to condition a person to make appropriate behaviors, according to what society says. If you grow up with a healthy mixture and a well balanced life, you will be more apt to grow up into an adult who doesn’t have mental illness, such as narcissism or anti social behaviors.

  3. Pretty awesome article!! I love how you broke down the different kinds of love. I had never thought of it this way. A lot people give selfish love. Thank you for a very thought provoking article!

  4. Thanks for the great article , It’s very unique that’s for sure. and really explains a lot about the feelings that’s sometimes get really complicated . i’m glad i found your website.

  5. Lovely article. Tough love was a big thing in my childhood. In retrospect, I think it was a good thing, and I learned a lot, especially when I figured it all out as an adult. Even though tough love is hard, and can be so draining, in the end, it is vital. One of the best compliments that I received was from my son, saying he now, as an adult understands the meaning of tough love. In today’s society, too many parents want to be their kids “friends” rather than their mentor and teachers. Thank you!

  6. Tough love is the hardest one for me to give because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings even though I know how important it is to give this to help redirect and stop regression!
    Thank you for this great post!

  7. Wow, that brought back memories…
    After a lot of soul-searching, I believe I am now giving unconditional love to my significant others.
    I mean, I give without expectations and when I take, I thank the other person for giving me the best that they could at that moment. When I am thanked or when I am returned love, I am of course over the moon, but it is not essential for me to be the best version of myself or to feel good.
    I was love dependent for too many years and that ruined a few close relationships.
    This new mindset has helped me ease the pain a lot.
    Now, It is safe to say that I can live without taking love, but I could not live without giving it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *