Attracted to a Married Man?-Protect Your Soul from Getting Crushed!

Every time I hear about a woman getting herself involved with a married or unavailable man, I wonder whether it’s due to her naïveté, ignorance, or lack of confidence.

Whatever the case, I sympathize with this woman because being involved with an unavailable man is not a comfortable place to be. It means she is not in touch with herself or reality. There are so many things you can consider before getting involved with a man who is already in a relationship or emotionally unavailable.

First, you can ask yourself, “Is this the man I want to be with? What is so great about this man who cheats on his partner?”

Second, if you think that eventually he will leave his partner and be with you, consider that you might just be a stepping-stone for him to get out of his current problematic relationship. In this case, most likely, he will leave you as soon as he gets over his previous relationship and the romance wears off between the two of you.

Also, keep in mind that his divorce or end-of-relationship issues will drain you so much that by the time he’s ready to start a partnership with you, most of your attraction for him will be lost.

Almost always men cheat because their current relationships aren’t working and they don’t know how to deal with the problems. It’s not because they see a better woman than they already have. In rare circumstances, variety or excitement is the reason for cheating. If this is true in your case, then that is your answer. Chances are you’re just a temporary excitement for him.

Third, you don’t want to be his second choice. You’re not living with dignity or peace if you choose to stoop to that level. You deserve better than being someone’s mistress. Chances are you will remain a mistress at the most. He most likely won’t leave his marriage or current relationship for you. If he does, then you might be dealing with a confused, immature person who will eventually sabotage the relationship and cheat on you as well.

You deserve to be in a healthy relationship where you and your partner are emotionally connected. It’s best to choose a man who is already at a healthy place in his life and not dealing with a bad relationship.

Healthy people make healthy relationships, and this is why it is imperative that you do your work before looking for a partner.

My Suggestions on What to Do


  • Think of a man who is willing to cheat on his partner as someone who is drowning in the ocean and looking for anything to save him. If you involve yourself in this situation, he will pull you down with him if you’re not a good swimmer. A man who cheats carries feelings of guilt, fear, and confusion. Being with this man drains your energy, which you could spend in building a loving relationship with someone who is emotionally ready and available.
  • Instead of getting yourself involved, you can help a man who cheats solve his issues by referring him to a therapist.
  • Take some time away from the relationship and journal about it. Now, I know having space from the man you love and focusing on clearing your thoughts is not easy, especially in this kind of relationship. This is because your mind is cluttered with all sorts of confusing thoughts and anxieties. But it is necessary to take time away for you to understand where you are in your life without judging or criticizing yourself.
  • Just think of yourself as having lost your path, and now you want to find it again. When you journal on this situation, ask yourself whether this relationship gets you closer to or further away from loving yourself and living a peaceful life.
  • Think about all the people you might be hurting by being with this man, starting with yourself and your loved ones and then him and his family.

If you’d like to share anything, I would love to hear your thoughts below.

To learn more, check out my book, “Cherish Your Inner Porcupine

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11 comments

  1. Unfortunately, I’ve pretty much given up on dating for a while, but you make a really good point about emotionally unavailable men. They are tricky to figure out sometimes, especially when you’re in the moment, because they can sometimes want so desperately to get out of their current situation that they will do some really good acting in order to convince you to give them what they want.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Aria. I’m sorry you had to go through that. When we go through a difficult time in our relationships, it’s easy to reach that conclusion that we don’t want to date anymore but Please don’t give up on dating. I really encourage you to read my book, Cherish Your Inner Porcupine. It really helps you see things in a different light, find your confidence so you won’t get involved in a bad relationship and halfway through the book I’ve shared advice on how to date successfully, how to overcome so many obstacles in relationships and build a strong bond with your partner.

  2. Unfortunately, I’ve pretty much given up on dating for a while, but you make a really good point about emotionally unavailable men. They are tricky to figure out sometimes, especially when you’re in the moment, because they can sometimes want so desperately to get out of their current situation that they will do some really good acting in order to convince you to give them what they want.

  3. Sierra,

    Thanks for the insightful article. I had never considered your second point before. It does seem like some men use cheating as a passive-aggressive stepping stone to get out of a relationship. I never really understood cheating.

    One of my friends was dating a guy, once, and it turned out that he was married. She was at his house and a woman called his phone and it turned out that it was his wife! Instead of getting angry with each other, they went on a huge shopping spree together (with his credit card!)

    At the end of the day, I believe that women should stand by each other and not tolerate cheating and not make each other the enemy when a man is doing something wrong.

    1. Asmithxu,
      I apologize for the delay in responding. That is a very funny story you shared regarding your friend and the guy’s wife. Wow! Yes I do believe that women should stand by each other especially in these situations.

      Thanks for your response,
      Sierra

  4. Hi Sierra

    I completely agree with you here. I think it goes both for woman and man in the same type of situation. It’s not healthy trying to make a relationship with someone already in one.

    There is likely to be stressful drama nobody needs. Even later if they do leave their current partner to be with you how can you ever trust them if they were already willing to cheat before?

    I tried to be with someone that was in a relationship once, and even though I knew they wanted out as soon as possible, they went on for months still seeing each other. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for them to just end it. Not a nice feeling.

    I left that person a few months later and never would do that to myself again. Funny thing is they left their partner soon after that but it was too late, I wasn’t going back to them like they wanted.

    Great advice!

    Thanks

    1. Shaun,

      Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts. In this situation, it’s easy to fall into the trap when we feel a strong chemistry with someone. We are attracted to a person who is already in another relationship and who may use us to get away from an overwhelming relationship temporarily. I’m not saying that he or she is aware of what they are doing. It could be that they feel you are the one but they are confused most of them time. It is like a break for them and actually helps them to reunite with their partners.

      Thanks again,
      Sierra

  5. Yeah I thought the same thing. Tried explaining this to someone once. It didn’t go over well. Some people just aren’t strong enough to deal with their problems.

    I normally don’t read stuff like this but this was pretty good.

  6. Hi Sierra

    I completely agree with you here. I think it goes both for woman and man in the same type of situation. It’s not healthy trying to make a relationship with someone already in one.

    There is likely to be stressful drama nobody needs. Even later if they do leave their current partner to be with you how can you ever trust them if they were already willing to cheat before?

    I tried to be with someone that was in a relationship once, and even though I knew they wanted out as soon as possible, they went on for months still seeing each other. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for them to just end it. Not a nice feeling.

    I left that person a few months later and never would do that to myself again. Funny thing is they left their partner soon after that but it was too late, I wasn’t going back to them like they wanted.

    Great advice!

    Thanks

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